There are times where you are rocking it as a parent. You’ve got all your ducks in row; you chauferred everyone to their respective events on time; you caught up on your emails; and you even had a an extra hour to catch up on “How To Get Away With Murder” (okay, maybe that’s just me…that show is so good!) And, on days like that, you’re what I call a happy parent.
But, the unfortunate thing about life is that we cannot be happy parents all the time. And, if we try to be happy parents all the time we not only get burned out, we get grumpy…and irritable. We can fall into feeling overwhelmed and burdened. Then, we start to disconnect from the ones we love most because we aren’t our happy selves.
However, no matter how happy or not happy we are, we have to keep going. We know that our families depend on us and we know that life keeps going no matter what. But, what if you could bring that happy parent-ness (yes, I made that a word) to your daily parenting practice. What if instead of letting things fall by the wayside when you’re having a not so happy day, you were able to use one or two things to keep you on track?
Well, the good news is that you can! Let me show you 5 things that happy parents do differently, and see if you can’t incorporate some of these strategies into your daily life as your try to hold on to your sanity.
- Active Listening
A good way to keep you from getting frazzled and stressed on your not so happy days is to take the time to actually listen to your child and your family. When we actively listen, we reduce the risk of misunderstanding what was said, and we increase the likelihood that everyone gets their need met. Happy parents know that when they repeat what was said and get clarification on what they heard – as opposed to assuming – their days can run a little smoother.
- Model Positive Behavior
The days of “do as I say, not as I do” are over. Sorry to break it to you. Happy parents have noticed that when they model the behavior that they want to see their families are more likely to display that behavior. So, if you’re having a not so great day, don’t hide it. Rather model positive and healthy ways of showing your emotions by stating your feelings. This stops you from yelling (a behavior that you don’t want your kids to copy) and lets you share how you truly feel in a healthy way (a behavior your definitely want your kids to copy).
- Show Empathy
The last post I did explained why using empathy in your daily life is more important than getting the parenting technique right. This is because when someone gives us the space to feel and be ourselves with judgment we can grow and develop. Happy parents show empathy to themselves, even on their not so happy days. This practice allows them to show empathy to their child when their child is having a not so happy day too! It’s a cycle of supporting, nurturing, being curious, and being present without the fear of negative opinion or reprimand.
- Practice Self Care
Happy parents know that no matter how big the to-do list or how big the pile of dishes is in the sink, taking a break from it all is integral to your overall emotional and mental health. This is even more important to understand when you’re going through a not so happy day. True self care is not about forgoing responsibility, but rather finding space in your day or week to rejuvenate and refuel. This process doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. You can go to the gym, go for a walk, read a few chapters of a book, or you know, do what I do, catch up on “Scandal” (are you starting to see a theme here?!)
- Act Like A Human
This is the pinnacle of what happy parents do differently. Happy parents know, understand, and have come to the conclusion that they are not super human. They were not bitten by a radioactive spider nor where they sent to earth from a planet of superhumans. They are flesh and blood, skin and bones, human. When you realize this fact you stop beating yourself up on your not so happy days, you stop criticizing your flaws and missteps, and you learn that happy and not so happy days are part of the journey. You also model healthy expectations for your child and show them that imperfection is okay.
The overall theme is that happy parents have found that these 5 things help them navigate the not so happy days and give them the strength to make it to the next day. It will not always be easy to be a happy parent, but when you add these strategies to your daily life you can at least maintain your sanity!
